Today is my mother's birthday. It's also the would-be anniversary of my marriage, had it lasted. Sometimes I wonder if the day will come that it’s September 27th and the day will pass by and I won’t have remembered that it was my would-be anniversary. I have a feeling that this won’t be the case. However, isn't it such poetic imagery that a wonderful day such as my mother's birthday, is a day now entwined with what represents the death of something that should have been equally as beautiful and celebrated. But where there is death, there is also life, which is so apparent on a day such as today.
Such painful poetic imagery follows us through most of life. But it’s in this discomfort that we can grow, if we so choose.
I’ve recently had an opportunity in my life arise that has forced me to navigate my own personal discomfort, as well as my old patterns of thought, head on, rather than run away, which I historically would have done. In this instance, I know that the discomfort comes from having to look deep down into myself and challenge some of my thought patterns and behaviours. As I sit in this discomfort, and allow my thinking to be challenged and shifted, I’ve come to realize that I’m actually providing the opportunity for the old neuropathways, that would have in the past forced me in to the place of victim, to be rerouted. This is no easy task, and it’s actually requiring a lot of mental and emotional gymnastics. But I know that true growth comes from the places of discomfort, and even pain.
I have an old poem that I wrote many years ago -
The heart is a mystery to all mankind, It's method of reason an unsolved crime. The caverns of darkness with treasures untold, The matchbox is empty, there's nothing to hold. Tripping and falling, discovering the way, Grasp on to something, to steady the sway. There's fear, yet an urgency to keep going on, Loneliness and hurting sing a loud song. Yet something is beckoning, a call from the deep, Pursuance with hope keeps me from sleep. The hard road to get there will make it worthwhile, The true test of faith is found in the trial.
And that’s just it “The hard road to get there will make it worthwhile, the true test of faith is found in the trial."
Beautifully written. Speaking from experience, eventually the day that would have been your anniversary fades to a point that you can think of it without the pain, where the times before the pain can be thought of (albeit briefly), and it doesn’t ruin your day. You are doing amazingly well.