For most of my grown life, I was scared that if I stopped living in a constant state of pain and darkness, my creativity would disappear. I equated my creativity with pain. I thought that if I stepped out of the darkness of my pain, I would lose my muse. In my mind, they went hand in hand.
I’ve entered a season in my life where I’ve been slowly letting go of the darkness, and hope has started to bud. The pain has been falling off as I’ve stopped clinging to it like a safety blanket. Not long ago, I wrote a quip:
There is always the opportunity, when you're shaken to your core, to allow the dead things that are clinging on, to fall off.
As the dead things in my life have started to fall off, there has been room for more growth, and that growth is like the spring, full of colour, blossoms, life, and beauty.
I realize now how fearful I was that emotional health would hinder my artistry, so I held on to my pain. Where in reality, the pain was robbing me, taking up dead space, and not allowing new growth to come.
Now, don’t get me wrong, there is an element of allowing your art to be the release of your pain, but I’m learning that it shouldn’t be a co-dependent relationship.
I find myself dreaming again, but I'm not dreaming to escape my present reality. My dreams are rising up in me, bubbling like a brook, pushing their way up, and life is once again beginning to emerge.
I stand before a sea of possibilities and the expanse before me does not feel daunting or impossible, it feels inspiring and has the air of freedom hovering over it.
So with that, I leave you with one of my poems:
Embrace the times of change to come Don't wallow in the losses Remember that He's guiding you The bridge is made so cross it His steady hand is holding you His spirit is always near He'll take you there and bring you through His constant love casts out fear.