Wow, it's been eons (sidenote: when I googled the literal meaning of eon it said "a unit of time equal to a billion years"... so there is a chance I may be exaggerating slightly) since I've darkened the doors of my blog.
I've been quiet on pen, but my mind has been busy. It's been a season of stretching; much of which has entailed me letting go of my old narrative and making space for my head knowledge to make it's descent into my heart. More so than that actually; to embody the messages of truth that my heart and spirit have been taking in.
Much of my old narrative has been based around shame, deep seated shame. I didn't realize how much it filtered into much of how I've thought, journeyed and lived. It's been crippling. And journeying through life hindered by shame is not a path you'd take by choice, or is it? I actually came face to face with the fact that I'd been walking co-dependently with shame. I made it my friend, because I thought it kept me safe, it's messages kept me in fear, which kept me from sticking my neck out and risking getting hurt. There was a good intention to making Shame my co-dependent friend, I was trying to stay emotionally safe, but in the end, it's messages are not truth, they are not the voice of Christ.
I've been reading an amazing book by Bradley Jersak called IN: Incarnation & Inclusion, Abba, & Lamb. There is a wonderful section on forgiveness (also described tongue in cheek as the "F" word due to it's triggering nature). He speaks of what genuine forgiveness looks like, and one particular bit jumped out at me, he said, "Forgiveness happens when we release our offenders to Christ's judgment..." There are a couple different ways to read that. I suppose it would depend on your view of the word "judgment". For myself, it was an ah-ha moment. I realized that I could release MYSELF to Christ's judgment...and based on my understanding of who Christ is, his heart for humanity, and how he walked the earth, I think it's safe for me to say that putting myself under Christ's judgment is actually putting myself into the hands of love. So I can release myself, my shame, my false narrative, to Christ's love. WHAT!? Wait, read that again, it seems so simple...and it actually is. It was actually a life-altering moment for me, when I realized, as I stated, that I could release myself to Christ's judgment, aka LOVE.
1 John 4:7-8
7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.